Hello to all the readers, new and old. In this entry I'm going to post about something that is near to my heart: being bullied as a child and other assorted family issues growing up. The past week or two I have been dealing with some ghosts of the past. Initially it was some from 20-21 years ago, but more recently the ghosts have been from my childhood. You may be wondering, "What has prompted you to think of these things?", and that is a very good question. I can't give the reason why for the ghosts from 20-21 years ago, but I can give you the one that got me thinking of my childhood below:
As those who know me outside of the internet will tell you, I am a huge fan of professional wrestling, especially the WWE. There is a current storyline going on involving real-life twin sisters that, quite frankly, hits a bit too close to home for me. I will not go into too much detail here, but you can find out more by going to wwe.com or by googling "Bella Twins" and proceed from there. Some of you may be saying right now "Dude, it's just a storyline" or something similar and I hope that will end up being the case in the end. However, for the remainder of this post I will proceed on the assumption that it is more than a mere storyline and it is all too real. And before anyone asks, yes I will feel totally silly about believing it is real if and when it is revealed to be nothing more than a storyline in the end.
It all began when I was in the 1st grade in public school. At that time I was 7 years old and as far as I can recall it usually took place when I was walking home for lunch every day (don't know if kids are allowed to go home for lunch anymore, but since me and a few other kids lived close enough to school to be allowed to do this, we took advantage of it). I usually wore a ballcap or stocking cap to and from home, depending on the weather. It was always on the trip home for lunch when two older kids (5th graders, possibly 4th graders judging by their age at the time) always ran up behind me and took my cap away from me, usually on the property of a private school (which, ironically, I lived across the street from at the time). I usually got it back after a few minutes of "keep away", which of course I didn't enjoy. Fortunately I didn't have to worry about that on the way back from lunch, and in the mornings and after school I walked with a neighbor and one of her friends so that certainly helped keep the bullies away. I can't say I was bullied much beyond that during 1st and 2nd grades, but that was enough to put somewhat of a damper on a happy childhood from then on.
The real bullying started in the 3rd grade, after I transferred to the private school I mentioned previously. I of course heard all the usual taunts and names and whatnot, plus a few less-than-common ones. What changed, though, was the intensity of the bullying in that it occurred every day while at school from my classmates and others. While I did have a few things going for me, mainly my brother and two sisters going to the same school as me, not to mention living across the street from the school so I could run home to tell my parents, no matter how much me and the rest of my family reported it to teachers and other school officials, it never stopped permanently. Sure, it would die down some for a day or two, but then it would pick up again to levels same as before, if not more. This continued all the way throughout junior high school, where grades 6-8 were located (these days the private school has preschool through grade 8 in the same building, but back then grades 6-8 were in another building about a 10-minute walk away from home). By high school it had largely died down to the point where I was left alone more often than not, but by then the psychological damage to me had been done.
As to the psychological damage, I am afraid of being hurt on a constant basis. I don't mean the kind that can be seen on the body and fades away in time, but rather the kind that can't be easily seen. I realize that one runs the risk of being hurt in every relationship, whether one that is already established or one that is in the process of being established, but being bullied as I have increases that fear greatly, and to top things off I am deathly afraid of one day waking up and finding myself completely alone in the world without a single person caring even the slightest bit about me. I find myself unable to trust anyone completely without fear, or to love anyone without fear of being hurt, even those who are family to me (to put it another way, I find myself always looking for "a catch" as it were when communicating with other people). To my regret I have had suicidal thoughts in the past and have been hospitalized on two occasions for such thoughts, but I have made peace with my past enough through counseling to put such thoughts to rest for good, though not enough progress to completely put the past behind me and to look at it without the emotional pain that I still feel, otherwise I would not be writing this now as an attempt at some catharsis for my troubles. And I think worst of all, until 21 years ago, I found it very hard to believe anyone cared about me at all, even my family. Sure, they loved me enough back then to give me gifts for birthdays and Christmas every year and to feed me and shelter me, but otherwise...Let's just say there's a certain question I would prefer not to answer if asked and leave it at that. It was only when I met someone I hold very dear to me (my "shining light" as it were) 21 years ago that my thoughts regarding whether or not people gave a damn about me began to change for the better.
I have made strides in my life towards putting the past behind me once and for all, changing my life for the better and I've had my setbacks in that regard as well. I now know that my family does care about me and will continue to do so, no questions asked, whereas years ago you couldn't have convinced me that they did care, and with that knowledge I know 100% that I will never be truly alone as long as I have my family there to help when I need it most. I've grown enough in life to know that as bad as things may be now, they could always be worse and that suicide is not an option at any time. When I was a child it mattered what people thought of me, but as I've gotten older I've realized that it doesn't matter what others think of me, it's what I think of myself that truly matters, and as long as I have positive thoughts about myself (egotistical as that may sound), then I can make it through the day regardless of what happens. I shudder to think what would have became of me if I was growing up in this era with the social media and the internet and the like. I think that as bad as it was back then, I can consider myself fortunate that the social media that exists today wasn't present when I was growing up, so I at least had somewhat of a respite from the bullying on weekends.
To those reading this that may be in a similar situation, please don't hesitate to get help, whether it's from your family or any other trusted adult(s) you may know. Google "Mental Health Resources" and you'll find plenty of options available for your area, whether it's for suicide, to put an end to bullying, or for any other problems you may be facing. Sure, you'll have your ups and downs just like anyone else in the same situation. I've had my ups and downs too, believe me. But your problems will never get better if you don't try. It's difficult to ask for help, believe me I know from my own experience. But you can't be afraid to ask for help. The day you ask for help is the day your life starts getting better, and you can trust me on that.
That's it, I've said about all I can say on this without sounding too repetitive. I know and understand I am taking a big risk by posting this online, but what I have posted here needed to be said. My main purpose for doing this was simply an exercise in catharsis for me, not to draw attention to myself or to win any awards or anything of that nature. I will be posting the link to this in a future tweet from my Twitter profile (@DavidJHuhn) to my followers there and see where it goes from there so everyone can see what life was like for me back then, and if anyone gets anything out of this, positive or negative, then I'd consider it a bonus. Comments are always welcome here, positive or negative, as well as tweets to my aforementioned Twitter profile and to my email address (dnangel1977@yahoo.com). All I ask is that you keep the comments clean, as you may never know who is reading this.
UPDATE: The more I see the Bellas outside of the WWE the more I've come to realize that it is nothing more than a "storyline" that will end eventually. Boy do I feel silly for believing it was real...
Thanks for reading.
David J. Huhn
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Hey, how's everyone? This is David J. Huhn once again with another entry full of goodness for you all. In this entry I'm going to elaborate on how and what I'm going to do and don't do in my blog. But before that, a little background into myself:
I'm just a humble, shy guy trying to make it in a world that can be, at times, quite messed up.
Now, on to the good stuff:
1. I'm not going to go overboard with the 'love' for the 'star' players regardless of sport. It doesn't mean I don't love watching the big-name players playing, but at the same time I'm not going to fall all over myself gushing over these people like some media people in Chicago and elsewhere do.
2. I'm going to be far more optimistic in this blog than you'll find elsewhere. While I can't guarantee it'll be 100% optimistic 100% of the time, I can guarantee there will be more than the 0% optimism you'll find in most sports cities the vast majority of the time.
3. I'm not going to get bent out of shape over the silliest things in sports, as I've heard some do. You're probably asking "What do you mean by that?", and I'll give you a few examples of what I mean: I've heard media people in Chicago getting bent out of shape over a lack of criticism about the 'star' players in Chicago sports (the few that are there that is) from the fans, as if the fans are expected to be as ultra-critical as the media people! Another thing they get bent out of shape over is the idea that fans 'fall in love' with the lesser-talented players in Chicago sports (such players are usually known as 'grinders', 'try-hard types', you get the idea) with the same fervor as they would with the 'star' players! I don't know about you, but there are better things to get bent out of shape over than the things I mentioned.
4. I'm not going to do anything to dampen your optimism about the team(s) you root for. I have no illusions about being required to dampen fans' enthusiasm over their favorite teams, contrary to what some media people will try to tell you. I'm not going to get too concerned over every little thing that goes the slightest bit wrong and try to make it sound like something major, as I'm always hearing and/or reading from media people locally and nationwide.
5. Fans are just that...fans. They're not 'meatball fans' or 'idiots' or 'lemmings' or anything similar that is designed for the sole purpose of making fun of the fans. As with #4, I have no illusions about being required to make fun of fans who don't fit what the Chicago (and national) media believes should be 'the ideal sports fan' (more on that in a future blog entry).
6. No conspiracies. Ever.
7. I'm not a reporter or anything like that. I'm just a sports fan whose focus will be mainly about what I hear and/or read about regarding Chicago sports with this blog. I won't be ignoring what goes on nationally as the previous entry proves, but the majority of blog entries will focus on Chicago sports.
8. I'm not going to post things simply to make myself appear as 'holier than thou' or to poke fun at serious matters beyond sports. I also won't be posting things that are designed to 'tear down' your sports heroes, whether they are currently playing or are retired (or deceased as the case may be). When it comes time for me to discuss something that transcends sports, I will do so in a respectful manner.
9. I'm not under any illusions as to being required to 'read between the lines' into everything someone says or does. Sometimes what's said or done is exactly that and nothing more.
10. I'm not going to waste time trying to be 'cute' or 'clever' while posting these entries. If something funny somehow makes it into the blog, it'll come naturally.
11. I reserve the right to break these rules as I see fit. It is my blog after all...
Needless to say, it's unlikely I'll be covering sports for a living anytime soon, being too optimistic and all. That's what you can expect from me though. I'll add more to the list as needed.
I'm just a humble, shy guy trying to make it in a world that can be, at times, quite messed up.
Now, on to the good stuff:
1. I'm not going to go overboard with the 'love' for the 'star' players regardless of sport. It doesn't mean I don't love watching the big-name players playing, but at the same time I'm not going to fall all over myself gushing over these people like some media people in Chicago and elsewhere do.
2. I'm going to be far more optimistic in this blog than you'll find elsewhere. While I can't guarantee it'll be 100% optimistic 100% of the time, I can guarantee there will be more than the 0% optimism you'll find in most sports cities the vast majority of the time.
3. I'm not going to get bent out of shape over the silliest things in sports, as I've heard some do. You're probably asking "What do you mean by that?", and I'll give you a few examples of what I mean: I've heard media people in Chicago getting bent out of shape over a lack of criticism about the 'star' players in Chicago sports (the few that are there that is) from the fans, as if the fans are expected to be as ultra-critical as the media people! Another thing they get bent out of shape over is the idea that fans 'fall in love' with the lesser-talented players in Chicago sports (such players are usually known as 'grinders', 'try-hard types', you get the idea) with the same fervor as they would with the 'star' players! I don't know about you, but there are better things to get bent out of shape over than the things I mentioned.
4. I'm not going to do anything to dampen your optimism about the team(s) you root for. I have no illusions about being required to dampen fans' enthusiasm over their favorite teams, contrary to what some media people will try to tell you. I'm not going to get too concerned over every little thing that goes the slightest bit wrong and try to make it sound like something major, as I'm always hearing and/or reading from media people locally and nationwide.
5. Fans are just that...fans. They're not 'meatball fans' or 'idiots' or 'lemmings' or anything similar that is designed for the sole purpose of making fun of the fans. As with #4, I have no illusions about being required to make fun of fans who don't fit what the Chicago (and national) media believes should be 'the ideal sports fan' (more on that in a future blog entry).
6. No conspiracies. Ever.
7. I'm not a reporter or anything like that. I'm just a sports fan whose focus will be mainly about what I hear and/or read about regarding Chicago sports with this blog. I won't be ignoring what goes on nationally as the previous entry proves, but the majority of blog entries will focus on Chicago sports.
8. I'm not going to post things simply to make myself appear as 'holier than thou' or to poke fun at serious matters beyond sports. I also won't be posting things that are designed to 'tear down' your sports heroes, whether they are currently playing or are retired (or deceased as the case may be). When it comes time for me to discuss something that transcends sports, I will do so in a respectful manner.
9. I'm not under any illusions as to being required to 'read between the lines' into everything someone says or does. Sometimes what's said or done is exactly that and nothing more.
10. I'm not going to waste time trying to be 'cute' or 'clever' while posting these entries. If something funny somehow makes it into the blog, it'll come naturally.
11. I reserve the right to break these rules as I see fit. It is my blog after all...
Needless to say, it's unlikely I'll be covering sports for a living anytime soon, being too optimistic and all. That's what you can expect from me though. I'll add more to the list as needed.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Why Tim Tebow is the most hated QB from the NFL
Hello. I'm David J. Huhn, and welcome to the first entry in my Ghostly Haunts blog. Normally the first entry in most blogs is an introductory type where the blogger introduces him- or herself and what the blog is all about. However, I'm going to delay that until the next entry. This entry is going to focus on perhaps the most polarizing former NFL quarterback in league history, as you've no doubt have figured out from the title of this post.
Why is Tim Tebow the most hated (former) NFL QB?
You're probably wondering, "Aren't there other QBs who are even more hated than Tebow?"... And the answer would be "Yes, there are". Just to name a few off the top of my head, people can't stand Jay Cutler based on his demeanor (not to mention having his facial expressions uber-scrutinized by the national media), and I don't think I have to mention what Michael Vick did to find himself among the most hated QBs. In the case of Tim Tebow, it's an entirely different level of hatred for the following reasons:
1. It's not just a good number of fans hating him, it's also the vast majority of the media that can't stand him, or to be more accurate, can't stand talking about him. Despite the fact that talking about Tebow helped to line their pockets and those of the newspapers and radio stations and whatnot that employed them, the media always had the impression that they were being forced to talk about Tebow even if they wanted to talk about anything other than Tebow.
2. In an sports world where the vast majority of the media and most fans would prefer to believe only the tangibles should matter, it was often the intangibles that Tebow possessed that had a bigger factor into his success as an QB more than his physical talent level. Specifically, his leadership abilities, his "heart" and desire and (as Ken 'Hawk' Harrelson, on-air broadcaster for the Chicago White Sox would put it), "The Will To Win". You can have all the talent in the world, but if you don't have those intangibles, you're not going to do as well as can be expected.
3. Strangely, the fact that Tebow is always upbeat and positive and optimistic and has no off-field issues to speak of causes people to hate him for whatever reasons they may have. I can understand being critical of his playing ability, but hating a guy for being upbeat, positive, and optimistic is too much. In a sports world where fans complain about athletes having off-field issues that causes them to serve prison time or probation or some combination thereof, the idea that most of these same fans complain about a guy who is the total opposite just boggles the mind.
Well, there you go people. If you have any more reasons that I have forgotten and not listed as a result, feel free to list them in the comments section. Just try to keep them clean (I'm not offended by coarse language much myself, but there are people out there reading this who are).
Thanks for reading.
UPDATE: Shortly after I posted this blog entry, it was reported that Tim Tebow was signed by the New England Patriots. Not much has been said about him since then, much to the relief of most fans and media people.
UPDATE 2: As I update this entry again, it has been revealed that Tim Tebow has been released from the New England Patriots. Predictably the nationwide media and the vast majority of fans are celebrating this news with the enthusiasm of fans celebrating a world championship, hoping he never plays in the NFL ever again. I don't know about you, but I'm going to miss the guy...
Why is Tim Tebow the most hated (former) NFL QB?
You're probably wondering, "Aren't there other QBs who are even more hated than Tebow?"... And the answer would be "Yes, there are". Just to name a few off the top of my head, people can't stand Jay Cutler based on his demeanor (not to mention having his facial expressions uber-scrutinized by the national media), and I don't think I have to mention what Michael Vick did to find himself among the most hated QBs. In the case of Tim Tebow, it's an entirely different level of hatred for the following reasons:
1. It's not just a good number of fans hating him, it's also the vast majority of the media that can't stand him, or to be more accurate, can't stand talking about him. Despite the fact that talking about Tebow helped to line their pockets and those of the newspapers and radio stations and whatnot that employed them, the media always had the impression that they were being forced to talk about Tebow even if they wanted to talk about anything other than Tebow.
2. In an sports world where the vast majority of the media and most fans would prefer to believe only the tangibles should matter, it was often the intangibles that Tebow possessed that had a bigger factor into his success as an QB more than his physical talent level. Specifically, his leadership abilities, his "heart" and desire and (as Ken 'Hawk' Harrelson, on-air broadcaster for the Chicago White Sox would put it), "The Will To Win". You can have all the talent in the world, but if you don't have those intangibles, you're not going to do as well as can be expected.
3. Strangely, the fact that Tebow is always upbeat and positive and optimistic and has no off-field issues to speak of causes people to hate him for whatever reasons they may have. I can understand being critical of his playing ability, but hating a guy for being upbeat, positive, and optimistic is too much. In a sports world where fans complain about athletes having off-field issues that causes them to serve prison time or probation or some combination thereof, the idea that most of these same fans complain about a guy who is the total opposite just boggles the mind.
Well, there you go people. If you have any more reasons that I have forgotten and not listed as a result, feel free to list them in the comments section. Just try to keep them clean (I'm not offended by coarse language much myself, but there are people out there reading this who are).
Thanks for reading.
UPDATE: Shortly after I posted this blog entry, it was reported that Tim Tebow was signed by the New England Patriots. Not much has been said about him since then, much to the relief of most fans and media people.
UPDATE 2: As I update this entry again, it has been revealed that Tim Tebow has been released from the New England Patriots. Predictably the nationwide media and the vast majority of fans are celebrating this news with the enthusiasm of fans celebrating a world championship, hoping he never plays in the NFL ever again. I don't know about you, but I'm going to miss the guy...
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